PROM2k14

This is my mood board for Prom this weekend. We'll see how it turns out! I am so close to asking if I can make my own corsage because I really want to use anemones if I can find some.... is that bad?

Some Drawings and Some Words

Last year I went to a school where we wore uniforms. Due to observations, thoughts, and a wonderful class where all I had to do was listen to music and draw to my hearts content, this piece came to be. I started it over a year ago, it was taken up again and finished tonight.

The observations: Everyone in high school wants to fit in or stand out. What about just being yourself?

The thoughts: Everyone seems to want to be popular. Yet I was popular, and I didn't even like it very much. Everyone either wants to be you or doesn't want to be you, and they don't even know you. I must say, it's nice to be in a new school, where most people have no idea who I am, but enough people do for it to be happy.

The class: Drawing with Miss Fosse. Which meant drawing with Micheal Buble Christmas music playing in the background, Ingrid Michealson when I got to pick the tunes, and a certain noisy middle table that I got to enjoy from the side table without having to participate in their crazy conversations.

***

Feel free to use the Huh? feedback button if needed. I would be amused, I'm not sure if this story makes sense myself. But if it does in fact make sense, I'd love to know that, too.

Just Me

Currently adoring:
other people who understand the power of the written word
wallpaper
mango popsicles covered in dark chocolate
mokkasin
lipstick
the weather

Hint: think of all that in terms of color. The best floral patterned, golf leafed wallpaper you can imagine. Yellowish mango against dark brown.  A purple-y red stained mouth. Blue skies but people in gray sweaters because its still shivery outside.

I think in term of colors.

***

Some people have beautiful lives. They have their struggles, and their humaness, yes, but they also have good cameras and good taste and perfect blogs.

My friend Shelby and I discussed this the other night while sitting in front of the beautiful Timpanogos Temple after the photo shoot. Some people's blogs look so perfect, and in the midst of my branding process, part of me is drawn to the beauty, the aesthetics. The other part of me wants to create something more realistic, beauty from the ordinary, camera phone pieces of my everyday high school life. My conclusion: I need to stop worrying constantly about the aesthetics. My brand cannot be put into one adjective, one source of inspiration, it's just me.

I am saving up for a nice camera, so that will make me feel much more excited about the looks of my picture posts. Until then I will try to swallow my designer pride and post pictures that aren't necessarily all I imagine. Oh the woes of having a designer brain and a slightly perfectionist attitude toward your blog!

Morning Writing Time, I came back!

I did it. I woke up early and refrained from going back to my bed, even though I could if I wanted to, I don't have anywhere to be until at least Ten.

*I just realized that I never write more than a sentence before getting distracted by something for a couple of minutes. Now that I am waking up early just so I have time to write, that habit must come to an end. I am going to write this entire post before opening any more tabs!

Journal rambling:

It is sort of crazy getting back into the school year schedule. Possibly even more so having this much freedom. I spend half my days at school, barely squeezing in a blog post (because I was sleeping in too much, those days ended yesterday) and the other half of my days working for seven hours. I love my job, I work here. And it is absolutely fantastic, but it fills up my time. Friends... I am stuck in my vision of going to public school, wherein I got to eat lunch with and be with my two best friends more than ever. Reality: suddenly I would rather eat lunch with my newer friends, who are quickly becoming some of my favorite people ever. But it's not because I always enjoy their company more... Alex and Neal are simply not enjoyable to be around when one doesn't want to talk to anyone and the other just wants to flirt with someone. I feel like Alex is a rock and Neal is a hard place and I'm awfully stuck and the only distraction is a completely different group of people to eat my apple sauce with, but I'm not quite as distracted as I want to be. And I really don't know whether or not to publish this. On one hand--it's my blog and I can post what I want to. On the other hand-- posting journal format venting sessions isn't really part of my brand, but I also decided that my life is now how I represent my brand, instead of worrying about every little instance, and that is certainly the problem that has me stuck right now. And heaven knows writing things out is what I do, it's what I liiiive for.

*And now I reeealy want to distract myself with Pinterest. But I must write on!

Adventures:

I am going to Italy. Goodness, I am for realsies going to Italy. Okay, I really must leave for a moment to get a picture for you.

My mom and I have dreamed about this for years, and now we are making it happen. I get to wander around Rome and recreate pictures of Audrey Hepburn while eating gelato. It's all scheduled and everything, it's really for sure happening this time.

Because dreams are worth it.

Take a deep breath and walk through the door

*Trying to think of something to write a post about.
My brain: "Uhh come now, you better write a post about your first day of Junior year and your first day at a public school, that's plenty worthy of a post, eh?"

Oh yeah, maybe I should talk about that.

A short history of my education: I home schooled while growing up. Until, like most homeschoolers, I turned must go to a school with people years old and I ventured out into the world, all the way to a small LDS Private school. I moved from there to an even smaller place that really was barely a school, but a place that remains, to this day, the school I usually miss the most. The year I spent there was perfect, the best teachers and friends I could have asked for. When that place closed due to it's barely making it, I moved to a larger, yet still only 1A private school, where I still didn't know who I was, nor how to open myself up to the friendship of strangers, so I hated my time there and left early. Then finally I found the first school that I stayed at longer than one school year, and I still love that place. It was a 2A charter school full of nerds, debaters, and Quidditch players who sometimes overshadowed all the normal, non stereo type kids that really did make up the school. But I had fantastic teachers, and now I have fantastic memories of my time there. Last spring I discovered that I had learned exactly what I was meant to learn there, so no longer having a reason to stay, I left. Which brings us up to now. Junior year plan: I'm back to my beginning-- homeschooling. Plus Seminary and Floral Design at the local high school. Plus an online graphic design course that I am excited out of my mind for. Plus lots of time for reading and writing and drawing and doing all the things that I love. Best of both worlds, to the max. I get time for everything I want to do, plus buddy time every other day. Perf.

That took a lot of time, this is why I tend to not explain my education to people haha. They just don't get it.

Today I found my way to a brand new class among thousands of people, and I'm feeling pretty dang accomplished.

The feeling there seems different. Like the way my Floral teacher seemed to view the room full of teenagers. He used the word stupid a lot. Never did he call us stupid straight out, but he told us repeatedly not to do anything stupid, and he used the word "stupid" to describe every negative action, which doesn't exactly go to express his confidence in us. I have never experienced that before-- having a teacher view every mistake or lack of foresight as stupidity, when usually mistakes simply represent something bigger going on with the kid, or simply humanness.

You would think with the amount of people smashed into that building that the amount of light would be crazy. You would think that when the amount of people at my new school is more than 8 times the amount of my last one, that the light would be multiplied as well, but it wasn't. How can so many people go so long without smiling? And how come they seem to view eye contact with strangers like saying He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's name out loud?

New Self Given Mission: smile at as many uncomfortable strangers as I can. Find the pockets of shininess and stick to those. Rock Junior year.