December 18, 2013

Bye Pretty Pictures, Hello Life

Ugh I just want to get on Pinterest. Except no I don't. 3 days ago I wrote these thoughts:


I have decided I want to get to a point where I choose a day, and on that day I stop getting on Pinterest. I just stop. Because my head is plenty full of dreams and pretty pictures and inspiration and its starting to all be the same. All of it, its beautiful, and fills me with longing, but none of it has ever filled me with doing. And I don't need to look at other people's lives anymore to figure out exactly what I want.

And I am dying to make that day the day I leave high school, or turn 18, because my head thinks that's when I can really start making things happen. But that's everyone's mistake, and I refuse to make it. 

And so I want to make that day tomorrow. I want to start living all of my pretty Pinterest pictures tomorrow. But tomorrow I have two classes of high school, and the next day I have two jobs and an internship, and then my life hits its own reset button and those two days repeat. And I still live in the same place and I still can't buy things off of infomercials. 

BUT. But I have a car, and two jobs = plenty of money really. And even if other people don't have time to go on Thursday Adventures with me, I have time to go with me. And I can clean my room and love that place again. And I can wake up early and exercise because I really have been enjoying that, and then I can eat all my mom's healthy pretty food. And I have a closet full of clothes that I do like and Pinterest would be proud of (ugh, I hate that sentence. I mean clothes that I LIKE.) And also I have a camera and decent design skills so I could make a good blog, except right now I don't particularly care. Right now I just want to listen to music that makes my heart sigh, and write things in my plethora of composition notebooks. And I can drive to really pretty places, and eat good food, and take pictures when I want to and not take pictures when I don't want to.

And also I'm going to chop my hair off, but that doesn't actually have anything to do with any of this.

***

And so I had my dad change my password so I can no longer get on my Pinterest. It served its purpose. Honestly because of it I found my dreams, and my style, and my love for things I wouldn't have loved otherwise. But it had served its purpose so well, that it was no longer doing so. And I've found I'm good at ending things when they are no longer serving their purpose.