hi bye

This is going to be my last post on this blog. Possibly my last blog post ever. I've spent hundreds of hours creating a really pretty life on the internet. I had an instagram account that a lot of people thought was perfect. And a Pinterest account that I was proud of, and that had a lot of followers. And sometimes I actually said funny things on twitter. And people really liked this blog. And I had a pretty good internet following of a lot of people who thought my life looked perfect. A lot of people that thought I was perfect. And I'm not bragging, I worked really hard to get people to think I was perfect, and for the most part, I accomplished that.

And I'm sorry.

Bloggers say all of the time how they wish people didn't think they were so perfect just because of their blogs. And how they want people to understand that they have pain and trials too, and just because all of their pictures are pretty that doesn't mean their life is always pretty. But I didn't really say that. Because I wanted people to think my life was always pretty, and that I was always pretty. And I thought that if I convinced enough people that maybe I would believe it too, and that it might become true. But my life isn't always pretty, and it won't always be pretty, and I'm not always pretty, and no amount of pretty pictures and words can make it so. But I can see the ways my life is beautiful, and my blog and the internet was getting in the way of the beauty.

I just finished deleting all of my social media accounts. All of the pinterest boards I thought were so great. The instagram I spent so much time thinking about and trying to take perfect pictures for. I deleted all of it. I tried to just take some time away from it all, and I thought I would be able to go back and just use it to post things I liked and use infrequently and it could just be good. But I finally listened and realized that even if it was possible for me to go back to all of that and have it only be good, that's not something I want to go back to.

I've wanted to really start living life upfront, not behind my camera, not with a pen and paper always in my hand, not while I'm writing a blog post about it in my head, not going out of my way just to get a good instagram picture, not counting the worth of things by how many likes they get. By deleting everything I'm simply forced to do that. There's nothing to come back to.

To my friends -- I love reading your blogs so much. I learn things about your souls that way that so far I haven't learned any other way. Because I am finally stepping away entirely from the internet, I won't be able to read them anymore. I hope we can continue to get closer and closer so that I can still learn those beautiful things about your soul that I have learned from your writing, even when I can't read your blogs. I may start reading them again eventually, but I would rather learn those things in person anyway.

It's going to be hard, to be forced to talk to people entirely in person because right this second I don't even have a phone. It's going to be hard not to write things to people on my blog, and to figure out how to tell them deep things in person. It's going to be hard not being able to share pictures with people. But I'm willing to do it.

And I am completely willing to talk in person. About anything.

So here's to real connections, and friends who show up at my house with cotton candy, and real conversations between humans, and old fashioned people without phones, and standards that are higher than before, and adventures that don't need to be posted about.

"I'm a realistic romantic- that's possible, you know"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUDREY.

Audrey will forever be my inspiration and the reason I love hats. She is the epitome of class and grace. Her movies and style are classic and perfect. I honestly can't wait to sit down and talk to her in Heaven. The obsession is so real and I will certainly be watching Sabrina later on to celebrate. Actually, I think I'll have a whole Audrey marathon. Happy 85th birthday to one of the classiest, most loving ladies to ever live.

all the broken hearts in the world still beat

Thoughts on concerts:

Concerts make me feels so alive.

I think it's because they give my tired heart a break.

The beat pumps away for it, and for a few hours my heart 

can sit back

and let the drums do the work.

I like the smell of concerts,

and the way Hayley enjoys them as much as I do.

And even though all I've got is iPhone photos,

I'm better at remembering concerts than other things,

maybe because I'm not remembering notes and words,

I'm memorizing souls,

so pictures aren't so important.

Ingrid,

You put on lovely concerts. The best I've ever been to actually, and I've fangirled over One Direction and stood in the place where Imagine Dragons were discovered and wondered if the band five feet away from me was going to be the next big thing. And I've met people and gotten autographs, but yours was the best. And maybe it's because one of your songs changed me once, and sounded like my memories, and felt like my nervous hands, and because I know if they ever make a movie about my life, Sort Of is going at the part when they tell my ninth grade story. Because in the end that's what changed the end of that story, I found out that my love was way too big for him, and even though he had the sort of eyes that ripped me apart, I stopped thinking that maybe if I was stronger I would leave that show. Because it was like a movie with bad ratings because nobody liked it, and it had been on replay for way too long. And I kept watching it thinking the ended was going to change. And you've probably heard your lyrics repeated back to you before, but I'll join in. Because when I listened to that song later on it fit like my worn out converse sneakers and I've kept the lyrics in my heart ever since. So thank you for adding to the piles and piles of words and tunes and images that I keep in my brain and that make me the person I am. You even have your own pile.

All my love,

Emma

hello my people

I hope you enjoyed these pictures of some of my all time favorite humans.

H is for Hayley.

 I'll be posting more words about last night's Ingrid Michaelson concert soon, probably tomorrow.

And after that I have pictures of more flowers, tulips this time, and another amazing person.

yay. 

eau

Thoughts on water:

I like standing in the rain 

because it's nice to have some other sort of water running down my cheeks 

besides tears.

Today I opened my car's sunroof and let the snow in, 

which I've never done before.

I like being in new places, where even the water tastes different.

Flowers and I are kindred spirits.

We both need drinks.

I like it best when water gets shimmery,

like the light dancing on the ocean,

or the blinding, sparkly slopes when I'm on a ski lift.

I hate tonic water,

 but it does remind me of Italy,

which was a trip comparable to a first kiss,

and now I'm even more thirsty.

I'm an American Blogger

I just remembered that I still haven't seen every Audrey Hepburn movie ever made and that has to be fixed.

I just watched the American Blogger documentary and it was so inspiring. I just want to start a lifestyle blog already, maybe I will sooner than I was planning on. Maybe I'll design it myself. Maybe I'll start living my dream today.

After I sew the other sleeve onto my prom dress.

Actually lets talk more about that documentary. You can find it on www.americanblogger.com and if you are into blogging, or have ever thought about starting a blog, or just want to know why we all do this thing, watch it. It's beautifully made, which is so important to me, trust me. I cannot stand watching poorly made movies or documentarys, and this is one is good looking. Also I now have like a million more inspiring blogs to read so that's another plus. It is $9.99 to buy and it's worth it.

Later tonight I think I will sit down and brainstorm exactly what I want to do with my blog and how I am going to make that happen. I plan on still having this one for a while, while I start up the new one and really make it what I dream of. So much of getting there depends on me letting go of perfectionist mindsets towards my blog, over thinking things, and not posting for the sake of posting. I think it will be helpful for me to still have this blog to post whatever I want that moment, without having to worry about aesthetics. But I also need to learn not to worry about everything looking good on my new blog as well. Really the only difference about this blog and the one I am going to start is that the new one will be for more photo filled posts and lifestyle ideas, and better writing. The lists will stay here ha. I'm really excited, but also worried. I was trying to do just that when I moved from my first blog to this one, but I fell right back into the same sorts of posts for the most part. I have to be ok with the fact that I'm not going to get to where I want to be right off the bat, but I want to start getting there now. One day I am going to have the blog of my dreams, and I can't wait.

PROM2k14

This is my mood board for Prom this weekend. We'll see how it turns out! I am so close to asking if I can make my own corsage because I really want to use anemones if I can find some.... is that bad?